The Other /  by Andrew Diaz

I wish you weren’t around anymore. I am trying to make progress here and you are getting in the way here. If I die then you die as well…is that what you want? Another day to turn it around.

Bipolar Disorder And The Constant Struggle /  by Andrew Diaz

The one thing I have constantly struggled with is other peoples view of me and the moods I go through. Sometimes I feel others view me as this emotional mess or that I am just putting it on for show….then again I could be wrong. Lately life has been very difficult…very. Most days I just want to lay down and sleep and sleep. I have been so consumed with how I have lost all that I have in my life rather than living and be happy with what I have now. If anyone is reading this please know that none of this pain is for show….I am really hurting but I have not given up……

I hope you know /  by Andrew Diaz

I hope you know Alexis how much I am sorry for all that I did. I should of let you know how much you really meant to me and the family you gave us. Have a goodnight and tell our kids that daddy loves them….forever.

Tomorrow is bliss /  by Andrew Diaz

Tomorrow I get to see my kids

Tomorrow is bliss

How I love them so

Every time I see them

They have grown so much

Both smiles can even make the sun glow

Brighter

Higher

I love being a father

Giggles and struggles

My path is clear even when obstacles appear

Navigation with support

Always have art

Love not present

Or

Not how I remember it

I’ve made mistakes sure

Every day is another day to conquer them

Gotta outrun whatever inside is deteriorating at an exponential level

I’ll say goodbye as this rhyme us just to buy time to figure how to deal with the day

Uncertainty

Exciting

I need a home

Stop complaining and go get it

Ok

That's it

I'm finished

Not much time left /  by Andrew Diaz

Yesterday I did some more meditation and it was great. My breathing is not where it should be but I just started doing it so…in time. Something I have been feeling lately is that I am dying. I do not want to die for I feel like I have a lot more I want to do like so much more artwork and most of all to see my beautiful children grow. However I don’t know if it is because life has been getting increasingly more difficult or that something is wrong inside, but I know my body and spirit and I can honestly tell you…I am dying. I am strong but I feel weaker by the day. I continue to have conflict with my ex-wife and It’s not entirely her as it takes two to tango. I love her so much in the sense that for the sake of our children I will continue to try and find that balance so our kids can see two parents who respect each other and do not fight. It will always be her way or no way…..but maybe…just maybe ……I can find a way to get through to her and understand her better. As for me, I feel like this is the last chance to get things right and to find that balance for I do not have much time left. My body and soul are so very tired of fighting and I do not want people to say when I am gone “He never stopped fighting” but I would rather want them to say “He found his happiness and was able to enjoy life”.

I have to get back to my new collection of artwork.. Take care everyone….. :)

Yesterday /  by Andrew Diaz

Yesterday was a very hard day. Every Saturday when I am about to drop my beautiful children off, my beautiful daughter begins to worry and cry because we will have to say goodbye until the following Thursday. I cam’t begin to express how much it hurts to see your children cry. I love them so much it hurts to be apart. A parent shoudnt’t know how it feels to taste their own child's tears. Divorce has been incredibly hard to overcome especially when I still don't understand what went wrong. If anyone is reading this…please know that I am taking some time to myself to find a home for myself ( time is clicking down ) and to focus on building a better future for my children. They are all that matters and I find social media as a distraction. I need to heal ….I need a home.

Seems like forever /  by Andrew Diaz

It seems like forever since I wrote down something. Well……I have been keeping busy…very…busy. :) I have two client projects I need to finish and one new collection I just started sketching.

I’ll leave it at that

Tired /  by Andrew Diaz

I get so tired of being fake. Always making jokes just to get by without the person asking what’s wrong….so tired.

It’s moments like these /  by Andrew Diaz

It’s moments like these that I really miss you. I am making a new memory at this very moment. You showed me so many new experiences…Hearst castle? Solvang and Paris….I can't help but miss you right now.

I understand /  by Andrew Diaz

Why do I still dream of you? I was very upset that you gave up on us. I may not of been the perfect husband but I still loved you more than you will ever know. It is very difficult to still remember how you were and then see the person you are now. How much harder can this get?

Creativity and mental illness /  by Andrew Diaz

A problem I have yet to overcome is the balance between fitness and my artwork. I have quite successfully for going on about six weeks is changed my diet from vegetarian (1 week ) to vegan (4 weeks) . The drawback is I push my art to the side often relying on a depressed or manic episode to get me back into it. Sometimes it feels like waiting for the perfect wave to come in in hope to catch it and ride it out.

I have a new series I have planned and I need to just find that balance.

Dear my beautiful children /  by Andrew Diaz

Dear my beautiful children,

This is your daddy. If you ever read this I want you to know that no matter how hard life gets for either of you….you have to keep trying and never give up. When you both get older I hope you understand how hard life was for me. Why at the age that I am that I still do not have a home. Why every day I struggled because I do not have you both with me to go to sleep with and wake up. You two are everything to me and I love you more than you will ever know. A lot of days get dark for me but it is because of the love I have for both of you that keeps me going. I hope you see how hard I try and that inspires you to want a better future for yourselves. Daddy loves you so very much…always remember that.