tHE REGRET cOLLECTION

A collection of Regret pt.1

(a rhyme letter to my children)

This letter rhyme is to my children

It will be made up of words and feelings

Apologies with no end and nightmares that follow me closer than my shadow

This letter of Rhymes has been dug up from memory

Memories

All of me

This is a collection of regrets 

Past regrets

Forgotten steps

A history of myself beating myself up

Over not protecting 

Not embracing

What I had was all of you

What I have now is a fraction of that world

A love for you both that will live on forever, long after I am gone

So I write these words for Avery

I write these words for you Aviana

Words of sorrow

All of them

From my heart

Deep down inside, these are the words that come to light 

These are the feelings I feel when I think of all the days that I've missed

All the time that has clicked by

This is the regret that I feel

These are the regrets that I know

That I wasn't able to keep our family together

To keep us all safe

All together

Forever

Past views

Current mood

Home 

Whole

Warm

I regret that I didn't let your mom know how much I really appreciated her

How much I really loved her

Then and now

For all that she did

For all that she does

How I regret not understanding what a father really was

I regret not doing more

Silence looms

This darkness fills rooms

I regret lying to you both when I had to leave

How I kneeled before each of you and told you It was for work

Neither of you knowing how much I had made your mom's heart hurt

How I let her down

Deep down

At that table her tears fell

Sad crown

I regret

 I regret not being a better father for you both

Even though I was told by many that I was

I always felt deep within I could have been more

My Ghost

 I regret every second away from you both

I regret not being able to protect you from far away

Each night without you

Each day

The pain

Most days

How much my artwork screams about family

How my art expresses almost religiously how much I love you both

How far we have all come

I've taken so many steps to get better

Be better

My wounds need more than a suture

I need to build a better future

So, you both can know that I love you

With every second of my soul

With every stroke of my pencils

Each beat of my heart

I regret I've spent so much time regretting

This piece is to let you know Daddy is sorry for all the tears I've caused

Aviana banging at the door telling me to not to go

I walk away

Tears flooding my eyes

My papa

My boy

Avery, how you mean so very much to me

How I regret not being next to you

To guide you

My proud boy

My son

My king 

My sky

Daddy hurts still

This regret brings me down

Aviana, my girl

My mama

My world

Kind soul

All giggles

Both of you my world

These regrets will bring me to an early grave and at times

It's hard to claw away

Holding the ground, I stand on

Falling beneath

But I look next to me now

Both of you on the couch

As I snuggle to my girl

As I tickle my boy

This is what gets me by

This is what keeps my heart going

How my dreams will forever be soaring

It's hard to feel regret

When it's brought me here

A reluctant friend

Another plan to get to a road that never stops

My collection of regrets 

Please go away as you have damaged my life

You dim my futures 

So here I am

With this piece of art

Let it work

Let it heal

Let it express the love for my children

Always and forever

As we all move forward

Stronger together

Hearts in tether

I love you my papa

I love you my mama

This is me saying goodbye to this collection of regret 

No more 

Gotta go this life

Love you both 

Sincerely,

Your father

No Ghost

p.s. I love you

A collection of Regret pt.2

(An apology to myself)

Strength is what I posses

Home is my heart is

Family is what makes it

Reconnection not reflection

Bipolar of course gets a mention

Rememberance sometimes births nothing but silence

a.l.E.X.i.s was my wife and mother to what saved me

Sketches is what I create when my dreams wake

Memories can bring me down, but they can also fuel life

It took years and patience

A miracle

My genesis

I dug in deep and got to work

I didn’t do it for money or acceptance

I made these works for no one but me

To express what I feel inside and show my dedication

My eternity

My craft is how I will last when my pain from my past comes to bring me down

Ghost can’t drive

They can’t leave tracks

Art is my fuel to when my creativity needs that drive

IM SORRY ANDREW!

IM SORRY I WASTED ALL THESE YEARS

NOT CREATING WHILE CONSTANTLY DEBATING

WHICH PATH SHOULD I TAKE?!

WHICH ONE LEADS TO A LIFE WHERE I CAN FEEL PROUD

MY ART KEEPS ME SAFE
THE WORLDS I BUILD...calm

me

….. down

So more secondhand clicks

No countdown to fight

What I flex is my artistic might

This moment and all that will breathe after it

I will use each pump of my heart and every muscle I can

To move forward into the rest of my years

No more wasted tears, just art

This is the end of my tenth collection

One that dealt with my many regrets

Now is not the time to take a rest but instead…

I’ll look from here on out

Far from being out

Of breath

I will make nothing else, short of brilliance

My artwork

My worlds

Brick

By

Brick

Wake from that dream and don’t be so hard on yourself

Realize you do have worth

Now take a pencil and a pad

Make some lines

Use your time

Wisely and smart

It’s never too late

To start again