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a.

I was at home and we had been communicating through email for a bit and you recommended we meet at Dave and Busters. When I arrived and I saw you for the first time, I noticed you were wearing converse shoes (something I found attractive) and yelled “LOOK AT YOUR SHOES!”. During dinner I proceeded to drop my napkin over and over again during dinner and talked non-stop because I was so nervous. As we left I asked if we could see each other again to which you said………….yes.

l.

The day we got married on the beach on Tybee Island. The sky was overcast (something I always have preferred) and dolphins in front of us jumping in the water. You were in your black dress with white trim and myself in my suit and converse shoes. We exchanged vows and walked off the beach now with our wedding rings on for the first time together as husband and wife.

E.

I remember when you told me you were first pregnant with our son. We went to balboa park, sat down and I saw your lips quiver. I asked you what was wrong and you hesitantly said you were pregnant. Inside I couldn’t believe it, that you really would start a family with someone who felt so broken and lost. Soon I would be the proud father of the happiest and most wonderful and handsome little boy.

Having now been a father once with our little papa, I wanted my little princess so very much. I remember washing the dishes and you came into the kitchen and told me we were going to try one last time. Later when we went to get the sonogram to see the gender and I was so nervous. The technician told us we were having a girl….I cried the happiest of tears and couldn’t wait to hold our baby girl…and never ever let go.

X.

I had heard “I love you” a million times before but this day was to be different. You, our children and myself sat down at the table in the kitchen table to eat. I was feeding our baby girl her bottle and noticed you looked so depressed and distant. You had such a sadness in your eyes and I had asked you what was wrong.

After what seemed like like an eternity to get you to talk…you looked at me with such a sad and heavy heart while tears fell from your face and you told me….”I’m not in love with you anymore”.

I spent so many years wanting someone to love me, a home and a family to call my own that I never in a million years thought it could be gone in an instant. Our family would never be whole again. We would be different…but never whole.

i.

Having to leave my home with our children behind had been the hardest thing I ever had to do. I remember kneeling down and talking to both of them that daddy had to move because he needed to be closer to his work. It was a lie but I didn’t know any other way to tell them why daddy was not going to be there anymore, let alone why mommy didn’t love daddy anymore. I soon had packed up all my things in my car and left.

s.

It has been just as many years apart as we were together. We are such different people now. I have seen you many times since then as I pick up our kids and drop them off and I can honestly say I don’t recognize you anymore. I myself struggle when I look in the mirror and see my reflection. It is such a strange feeling to have after creating a life with someone and now not knowing who they are anymore.

I am sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be but it was meant to be this way. All I can say is thank you for giving me a wonderful life and two beautiful children. I must now move forward and do my very best in creating a new life for myself and our lovely children.

Goodbye Alexis. Take care.

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The rise and fall of a marriage

This new collection represents the rise and fall of my marriage with my ex-wife. It is told in six parts with each letter of her name representing a moment in time that we shared. It starts off with us meeting each other for the first time all the way to the present day since the day we were officially divorced. I attempted to tell this story the best I could while representing each period of time as I remember and felt it to have. It is a collection of love, happiness, and pain that comes with the fall of a life with someone and what effect it has had on me while I desperately try to pull myself back together so I can live again and help raise our two beautiful children. Please enjoy this new collection of artwork and remember if you ever find yourself struggling to move on after a tragic event such as divorce, use the memories of the life you no longer have as a reminder that you were once happy and that you can be happy and loved…..once again.